Unmasking
Image by Steph Kelly
Many of us spend our lives learning to wear masks. We wear them to protect ourselves, to fit in, to meet expectations, or to survive in a world that often demands we conform to ideals that don’t reflect our true nature. These masks might look like perfectionism, people-pleasing, or the need to be the “good girl,” the “cool girl,” or the “strong woman.” They could be the forced smiles we wear, the opinions we don’t speak, or the boundaries we don’t set.
From an early age, many of us are taught that our worth is tied to how well we fit into certain molds. We are told to be nurturing but not needy, ambitious but not too assertive, sexual but not “too much.” The message is clear: to be accepted, we must modify who we are. Over time, relational, societal, and cultural pressures teach us that our authentic selves may not be “good enough.” So, we put on masks to survive.
But what happens when we wear these masks for too long? What is the cost to our souls?
What Do These Masks Cost Us?
The cost of living behind a mask is high.
When we silence our truth, we lose the ability to make healthy choices for our body, mind, heart, and spirit. This disconnection can manifest as physical and emotional challenges—such as anxiety, depression, burnout, or even chronic illness, which may be the body’s way of signaling that the weight of our mask has become unbearable. We also lose touch with our deepest desires, intuition, wisdom, and discernment. As a result, our relationships may become shallow, dissatisfying, or even toxic because we’re not fully present. The ongoing need to perform, manipulate, and walk on eggshells drains our energy, leaving us exhausted from maintaining the facade. Ultimately, we lose touch with the wild, vibrant essence of who we truly are.
Committing to Removing My Mask
One of the most revolutionary actions I can take to support other women is to remove my own mask—to allow myself to be seen completely. I won’t lie—it’s terrifying. I’ve experienced judgment, hatred, and abuse for simply being myself. Yet, part of the strength and empowerment I seek for myself, and for other women, lies in this radical act of authenticity.
Although I’m largely authentic in many areas of my life, my mask shows up most insidiously in my speech. I notice how I carefully massage reality depending on whom I’m speaking to. For example, if my mother asks me about my dating life, she’ll get a different version of events than my best friend or a colleague would. While each version may be “truthful,” they highlight different aspects of the situation to control how I’m perceived.
Lately, I’ve asked myself, “What if I gave everyone the simplest, most direct answer and let them make their own interpretations?” What if I allowed reality to unfold around me as it is, without manipulation? What would I learn about myself, about others, and about my circumstances? I believe I would experience more love, wisdom, and grace—not only within myself but in my relationships as well.
Empowering Other Women to Do the Same
My commitment to removing my mask is deeply tied to my passion for empowering other women. I know I’m not alone in this experience. So many of us have learned to hide, to shape-shift, and to silence our voices to meet the world’s expectations. But when we remove our masks, we don’t just free ourselves—we give others permission to do the same.
In the women’s groups I run, we create a sacred space for honesty and truth-telling, where no masks are required. Every woman is encouraged to show up as her full self. In that space, something transformative happens. We begin to heal. We realize we’re not alone in our fears, struggles, or pain. We reconnect with the parts of ourselves we’ve hidden for too long. We rediscover our strength and power.
The Practice of Removing the Mask
Here are some ways we can start unmasking:
Recognize Your Masks
Begin by noticing when you act in ways that don’t feel true to who you are. Ask yourself: Who am I trying to please? What am I afraid of? Awareness is the first step in understanding why we hide.
Get Curious About Your True Self
Beneath the mask is your authentic self, waiting to be expressed. Take time to reconnect with her. What lights you up? What have you been longing to say or do? Journaling, meditation, or spending time in nature can help you access these deeper parts of yourself.
Practice Vulnerability
Authenticity requires vulnerability. Start small—be more honest in conversations, share a little more of your inner world, or set a boundary where you’ve been afraid to. These small acts of courage build resilience over time.
Embrace Imperfection
We wear masks to appear perfect, but true authenticity means accepting all parts of yourself—the messy, imperfect, and vulnerable ones. Let go of the need to be everything to everyone. You are enough, exactly as you are.
Surround Yourself with Support
Authenticity flourishes in environments where we feel safe and supported. Seek out people and communities that celebrate you for who you truly are.
A Call to Action: Reclaim Your Truth
My journey of removing my mask is ongoing, and it’s not without its challenges. But every step toward greater authenticity feels like a step toward freedom. I want that freedom for every woman.
If you’re ready to unmask, I encourage you to begin by asking where in your life you feel the need to wear a mask. What would happen if you allowed yourself to be fully seen? If you spoke your truth, set your boundaries, and stood in your power—unapologetically?
You deserve to live fully, without hiding. When you take that first brave step, you’ll discover that you are more than enough—just as you are.
Together, we can create a world where women no longer need to wear masks, where we can show up as our authentic, powerful, and beautifully imperfect selves.
So, ask me anything, and I will take the time to reflect and answer as truthfully as possible.